I'm having a great time at my niece's apartment. Been doing some shopping and snacking, though my body doth protest. Gotta get back on the food control.
Dodi and I went to visit her mom today and reminisced about what we have been up too. Mom and daughter both put up their Christmas trees today. What a wonderful family I have.
Perhaps I should explain a bit. I have been out of sorts this week. I guess I expected a different atmosphere to be here when Gary and I showed up. The last two years have been full of good and bad happenings. The struggles of everyday life have made me feel needed? I guess... Anyways, to lose that requirement has been a bit of a let down for me. I suppose I should look more to myself and try to gain a more positive opinion of myself. I've started a new lease on life. I want to share some of my feelings with other people like me. I want to gain a better understanding of what to expect in my life. I sometimes feel lost and confused and unsure of how I am progressing.
I shouldn't have to keep working so hard. It makes me frustrated to see how easily some people accept things and 'go on' with their lives. I tend to envy them a bit. I wish I had that kind of fortitude.
Anyways, I do want to improve myself. I do want to succeed at something. Maybe I just need to sit down and concentrate on what has happened these last few years. Are things getting better? Am I really doing what I want to do? Do I have the gumption to do the things I've started or will I give up again?
Well, maybe I should realize what is in my heart and just do it. No more questions... Just actions!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
New lifestyle is hard
Yes, losing weight is hard, especially when you travel to visit relatives. I've had a great time visiting my sister and her oldest daughter, Suzie and Dodi... It has been a heart warming experience this time. Finally, I feel comfortable with her decisions and the daily schedule she has established...It's nice to see that she has it all together.
As for me? well...I have a long way to go. I have been losing weight I think. Or at least my body feels better, minus the severe pain in my right shoulder..could be a strain on my rotator cuff or a actual tear of the muscle..either way, it hurts really badly. I've started getting around a little better and hope to be able to do some serious walking when we get home next week.
I've had a lot of interesting things go on while we are here. An awakening of sorts. It's kinda weird that I feel as if my life stopped and everyone else's is still going strong. I feel as if I am in a stale mate game of chess...I can't move forward or sideways or backwards...stuck in place. I guess I should stop worrying about other people's lives and deal with my own. Success is available when I finally act on this realization.
Heavenly Father is always there to guide me and help me to make these findings real. I hope that I can do his will and be worthy of his attention and such. My testimony is still strong. My family is there and I am grateful for all my blessings...more next time...ta ta...
As for me? well...I have a long way to go. I have been losing weight I think. Or at least my body feels better, minus the severe pain in my right shoulder..could be a strain on my rotator cuff or a actual tear of the muscle..either way, it hurts really badly. I've started getting around a little better and hope to be able to do some serious walking when we get home next week.
I've had a lot of interesting things go on while we are here. An awakening of sorts. It's kinda weird that I feel as if my life stopped and everyone else's is still going strong. I feel as if I am in a stale mate game of chess...I can't move forward or sideways or backwards...stuck in place. I guess I should stop worrying about other people's lives and deal with my own. Success is available when I finally act on this realization.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Life is good
I am ever so grateful for my blessings. Finding solutions to problems and getting organized is really helping me emotionally. I have a recurring feeling in the back of my mind and can't figure it out. Maybe it's the dropping shoe effect, I don't really know.
Shouldn't I be happy? Why do feel like this? Is it a lack of faith or a tad bit of depression trying to cast me into the depths of darkness... I know Heavenly Father loves me. I wonder why aches and pains do this to me... Tomorrow I go for physical therapy and I hope it works. I hate feeling like this cuz it sux big time.
Sometimes, pitfalls come right after the high, like eating chocolate and then getting really tired. We need to realize or wake up and find a solution for anxiety and depression. It is real enough I promise you. Medication does help and so does getting outside, but with this shoulder pain, it's near impossible to tolerate the pain. Please oh please understand the realness of this. Jan, You need to learn to accept things you can't change.
Maybe it's the guilt I feel for not contacting my oldest grandson sooner. Could I have trusted more fully the promptings I was getting last year? Or was I ready to communicate with him. Was he ready to talk to me? Probably not... I know the time was right now, not then. I guess you could say different but I feel I have finally opened the door.
So, maybe my darkness will soon subside... Maybe....
Shouldn't I be happy? Why do feel like this? Is it a lack of faith or a tad bit of depression trying to cast me into the depths of darkness... I know Heavenly Father loves me. I wonder why aches and pains do this to me... Tomorrow I go for physical therapy and I hope it works. I hate feeling like this cuz it sux big time.
Sometimes, pitfalls come right after the high, like eating chocolate and then getting really tired. We need to realize or wake up and find a solution for anxiety and depression. It is real enough I promise you. Medication does help and so does getting outside, but with this shoulder pain, it's near impossible to tolerate the pain. Please oh please understand the realness of this. Jan, You need to learn to accept things you can't change.
Maybe it's the guilt I feel for not contacting my oldest grandson sooner. Could I have trusted more fully the promptings I was getting last year? Or was I ready to communicate with him. Was he ready to talk to me? Probably not... I know the time was right now, not then. I guess you could say different but I feel I have finally opened the door.
So, maybe my darkness will soon subside... Maybe....
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Ricky...I am so glad
you called. I have been praying for years to get in touch with you. I asked Heavenly Father to let me know when I could be with you again and he has provided a way. Yes, I am guilty of not trying harder, and that has been to model of my life these last few years...not trying hard enough. It hurts to know how much you suffered for all these years, not knowing if we loved you and not hearing from anyone on the Whitehead side of the family. I wish I could take it all back. I know I can't but I also know that with some years of concerted effort on both sides, we can change the future. NO more ignoring or wishing I could get in touch, no more listening to false information as to what is happening in your life. We can start the communication process NOW...it doesn't have to drag out anymore. Just understand that we were led the wrong way...Listening to false hopes and not getting the proper answers. I hear you are still into the computer...Tell me how you feel this way if you like...write your feelings...express those anger thoughts and get them out of you. Rely on the love of Heavenly Father (God) and he will always provide you with the right answer. Aric, show me the way to your heart. Let me enter in and I will give you comfort...God will be the comfort for you...through the Holy Ghost. He will provide you the understanding you require to know how it was for all of us.
I do understand how you feel. I know what it is like to lose friends and family members. I can only hope and pray that you will see that it was as hard for us as it was for you. I know you blame all of us for the lack of communication and I know that I am guilty of this. I also know that I have known very little about you. I got pictures on occasion when you lived in Florida and also when you came to Fresno to visit. I miss you my grandson...I miss you more than you know...I hope you will believe me sometime...it is up to you.
I have been provided a blessing in the contact you started. You are just the one I need to know better. Grandpa and I love you as I said in the email. I am writing this to show all those who know me how blessed and lucky I am to get you back into my life. Papa Gary is greatful that we can be a family again and Tristan is really excited to hear from his big brother. I hope that you and Melanie will some day get things settled...that will be the hardest for you and for her. Compassion is what must be used. I know you have a good heart Ricky...I know how much and how close you are with your Dad and Heather (mom). I am grateful how they spent the time and trials necessary to make you feel a part of the family. You are a member of both families and we need to intertwine them. I want you to know that I feel really awful for all those years of loneliness you had as Gary and I have felt it too...We talk about you alot especially around our Anniversary and around your birthday and Christmas. I guess we should do more than talk about you now...we can call you and keep in touch with you. Please help us to be what you want us to be...Your grandparents. I know I love you and I know that Grandpa loves you as well. Whiteheads' are a strange bunch...it's hard to get them to talk. I want you to know that Tristan is just as talkative as you are. He gets excited about his X-box games and his grades...He has had a hard time also...dealing without you here..He really does miss you Ricky.. So, keep in touch with him as much as you can...are you a member of X-box gamers? He would love to have you join him...he is known as Tdog360...
I write these things in here to show everyone how I feel about my situation...This was one of the many things that I didn't have a solution to. I failed to keep up my motivation in keeping in touch with Ricky. I didn't try hard enough and was willing to let the situation stay as it was. I have had many miracles happen in my life and this one has to be among the best of the best. I wish I could convey how it humbles me to know that Heather and Ricky took a chance to get in touch with us. I feel a numbness right now...I'm not sure how I should feel....I am grateful for the opportunity to help Aric/Ricky gain my trust and I pray that we will be able to keep things open...I know that Heavenly Father helps us in strange ways. I know also that he loves me and keeps me safe. He will allow me to understand more fully what I need to do next. Promises must be kept this time...Goals must be met. A single life hangs in the balance. A young man needs to know how he is loved and how we want him in our lives...We can change wrong into right...I need help...and I know I cannot do this alone..God bless you Ricky..we are here for you now...
I do understand how you feel. I know what it is like to lose friends and family members. I can only hope and pray that you will see that it was as hard for us as it was for you. I know you blame all of us for the lack of communication and I know that I am guilty of this. I also know that I have known very little about you. I got pictures on occasion when you lived in Florida and also when you came to Fresno to visit. I miss you my grandson...I miss you more than you know...I hope you will believe me sometime...it is up to you.
I have been provided a blessing in the contact you started. You are just the one I need to know better. Grandpa and I love you as I said in the email. I am writing this to show all those who know me how blessed and lucky I am to get you back into my life. Papa Gary is greatful that we can be a family again and Tristan is really excited to hear from his big brother. I hope that you and Melanie will some day get things settled...that will be the hardest for you and for her. Compassion is what must be used. I know you have a good heart Ricky...I know how much and how close you are with your Dad and Heather (mom). I am grateful how they spent the time and trials necessary to make you feel a part of the family. You are a member of both families and we need to intertwine them. I want you to know that I feel really awful for all those years of loneliness you had as Gary and I have felt it too...We talk about you alot especially around our Anniversary and around your birthday and Christmas. I guess we should do more than talk about you now...we can call you and keep in touch with you. Please help us to be what you want us to be...Your grandparents. I know I love you and I know that Grandpa loves you as well. Whiteheads' are a strange bunch...it's hard to get them to talk. I want you to know that Tristan is just as talkative as you are. He gets excited about his X-box games and his grades...He has had a hard time also...dealing without you here..He really does miss you Ricky.. So, keep in touch with him as much as you can...are you a member of X-box gamers? He would love to have you join him...he is known as Tdog360...
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Nice play..
I get a real kick out of reading the posts I receive on Facebook. Some are really funny, some are silly or stupid, and some make me think.
What seems amazing as I read through these posts is how alike they are to my life. It seems that we all kinda face the same problems. I've noticed lately that a few of the posts are dwelling on self improvement. The ones that crossed my mind are about our relationship with God.
I get to see how people react to what challenges they face dealing with church activity, honesty, and trust just to name a few. Some dwell on the problem, making note of the struggle and talking about how they need to find the solution. Others talk about the problem and the solution without a commitment of when they wish to complete the problem. Still others are finding that the solution is in them when they testify what they believe to others and begin to realize they are actually solving the problem.
Most of us fit in to one of these categories. Some times in our lives we go through each situation and we do so more than once. It is refreshing to see how faith helps each of us in our own way. For me, my relationship with God is mostly secure. I know that I need to do more to please him and he continues to encourage me to do my best.
God equals out all our situations so that we can deal with them in our own way. We are the ones who must decide how we want to approach them.
What seems amazing as I read through these posts is how alike they are to my life. It seems that we all kinda face the same problems. I've noticed lately that a few of the posts are dwelling on self improvement. The ones that crossed my mind are about our relationship with God.
I get to see how people react to what challenges they face dealing with church activity, honesty, and trust just to name a few. Some dwell on the problem, making note of the struggle and talking about how they need to find the solution. Others talk about the problem and the solution without a commitment of when they wish to complete the problem. Still others are finding that the solution is in them when they testify what they believe to others and begin to realize they are actually solving the problem.
Most of us fit in to one of these categories. Some times in our lives we go through each situation and we do so more than once. It is refreshing to see how faith helps each of us in our own way. For me, my relationship with God is mostly secure. I know that I need to do more to please him and he continues to encourage me to do my best.
God equals out all our situations so that we can deal with them in our own way. We are the ones who must decide how we want to approach them.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Today is
Typical answer would be "the first day of the rest of your life". That can be so crass or typical. Boring and automatic statements or answers do not describe how a person really feels. It is just expected. I supposed it would be ok for history or math answers, but I tend to feel that personal feeling answers should be your own.
I guess it is ingrained in us to use these automatic answers, but some time down the road, you think; "why do I feel that way?" or "what does that really mean"? Knowing for sure how we feel or what we believe is cause for research or in the case of religious learning, prayer to find the answers for ourselves.
I know that sometimes I tend to question in my mind just how I know facts or information comes about. I also know that it takes some thought, research and prayer to help me know the truth. I have been provided a wonderful husband and family of which I could never trade or wish for something better. I know without a doubt that all things studied or prayed about have answers for us. Heavenly father has provided me with the Holy Ghost, that still small voice which prompts me to make wise choices. Because of these choices, I want you all to know that my belief or knowledge of aspects of my LDS or Mormon beliefs are broadened to a point where I could never deny anymore how I feel. I get a warm comfortable feeling in my heart and I know...I KNOW how my Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to be with him eternally.
This is my knowledge and my prayer that those of you who read this find for yourselves the truth.. The knowledge that you take with you will grow beyond measure when it is your time. I know this without a doubt, it's up to you to make your choices.
I guess it is ingrained in us to use these automatic answers, but some time down the road, you think; "why do I feel that way?" or "what does that really mean"? Knowing for sure how we feel or what we believe is cause for research or in the case of religious learning, prayer to find the answers for ourselves.
I know that sometimes I tend to question in my mind just how I know facts or information comes about. I also know that it takes some thought, research and prayer to help me know the truth. I have been provided a wonderful husband and family of which I could never trade or wish for something better. I know without a doubt that all things studied or prayed about have answers for us. Heavenly father has provided me with the Holy Ghost, that still small voice which prompts me to make wise choices. Because of these choices, I want you all to know that my belief or knowledge of aspects of my LDS or Mormon beliefs are broadened to a point where I could never deny anymore how I feel. I get a warm comfortable feeling in my heart and I know...I KNOW how my Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to be with him eternally.
This is my knowledge and my prayer that those of you who read this find for yourselves the truth.. The knowledge that you take with you will grow beyond measure when it is your time. I know this without a doubt, it's up to you to make your choices.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Today, A New Start...Goals
Hey, crazy how things work out... I guess when the time is right, everything falls into place.
What have you decided on in your life? How would you feel if you come face to face with your accomplishments? What makes you motivated to finish your goal?
1. What have you decided on in your life?
For me, it was or is a matter of thought for many days or months. Forget weeks because they go by too fast. I decided over two years ago that I had to do something about my health. First accomplishment took another year and a half to get the health insurance I needed. On from there I go to gain my momentum to work on my goal. trying to eat right, maintaining a good balance of foods I should eat, and recording my in take of these foods (or trying to) in order to gain an understanding of food control and dietary changes needed.
2. How would you feel if you come face to face with your accomplishments?
Seeing what you can do or noting an accomplishment is a motivation in itself. When my husband and I chose to get our finances in order, it seemed like forever before we could get a clear vision of how we could make it happen. As I mentioned in a previous blog, it happened suddenly. It actually took us 5 years to get ourselves from bankruptcy to credit approval status. Because we persevered and paid old bills off, got rid of unneeded items or debt, and changed our lifestyle we have noticed how easy it actually is to get our financial situation on a good way.
3. What makes you motivated to finish your goal?
Motivation comes in many forms. Our financial goals are accomplished because we were tired of phone calls and going without the things we felt were important. Wanting a home of our own and not tossing money in the wind throughout the years of renting. We were motivated even more as the clearness of the goal being accomplished comes closer.
My dietary goals are a struggle right now. I am closer to getting things done but I know that some of the things I need to do are on me and not the Doctor or the Dietician. I must decide for myself how important this is to me. I must want more than anything to improve my health, my outlook on the future, and my physical and emotional well being. For me, my motivation is being a skinny or smaller person. I have always been over weight. It's time I feel, act and look better if not for me, for my life and future.
Goals are the backbone of everything we do. Life is not life if there isn't some kind of goal in it. For me? My goal is to become as God is... Perfect so I can be with him again and know that my spiritual, physical and emotional self are as perfect as they can be.
What have you decided on in your life? How would you feel if you come face to face with your accomplishments? What makes you motivated to finish your goal?
1. What have you decided on in your life?
For me, it was or is a matter of thought for many days or months. Forget weeks because they go by too fast. I decided over two years ago that I had to do something about my health. First accomplishment took another year and a half to get the health insurance I needed. On from there I go to gain my momentum to work on my goal. trying to eat right, maintaining a good balance of foods I should eat, and recording my in take of these foods (or trying to) in order to gain an understanding of food control and dietary changes needed.
2. How would you feel if you come face to face with your accomplishments?
Seeing what you can do or noting an accomplishment is a motivation in itself. When my husband and I chose to get our finances in order, it seemed like forever before we could get a clear vision of how we could make it happen. As I mentioned in a previous blog, it happened suddenly. It actually took us 5 years to get ourselves from bankruptcy to credit approval status. Because we persevered and paid old bills off, got rid of unneeded items or debt, and changed our lifestyle we have noticed how easy it actually is to get our financial situation on a good way.
3. What makes you motivated to finish your goal?
Motivation comes in many forms. Our financial goals are accomplished because we were tired of phone calls and going without the things we felt were important. Wanting a home of our own and not tossing money in the wind throughout the years of renting. We were motivated even more as the clearness of the goal being accomplished comes closer.
My dietary goals are a struggle right now. I am closer to getting things done but I know that some of the things I need to do are on me and not the Doctor or the Dietician. I must decide for myself how important this is to me. I must want more than anything to improve my health, my outlook on the future, and my physical and emotional well being. For me, my motivation is being a skinny or smaller person. I have always been over weight. It's time I feel, act and look better if not for me, for my life and future.
Goals are the backbone of everything we do. Life is not life if there isn't some kind of goal in it. For me? My goal is to become as God is... Perfect so I can be with him again and know that my spiritual, physical and emotional self are as perfect as they can be.
Success comes in small steps
Our many months of struggling and trying to pay off debt is starting to pay off. Gary and I have been making a concerted effort to get ourselves into a better type of life. I'm not saying we want maids, butlers or any of that type of thing and heaven forbid, we don't need a Rolls Royce...but it would be nice to have some kind of 'normal' life.
Normal is something I've never been. Of course, that depends on what is normal to you. I have always felt that if life is comfortable and you can live with what you have, why change it? Furthuring this idea is the lack of motivation to make the change and the lack of energy to have the motivation to make the change. I can bring in the depression, anxiety and worry of making a change and other such excuses, but they are just that...excuses...
When I made the conscious effort to improve my health, I started going to the Doctor and was directed in many areas of need for my efforts. It caused some frustration and confusion but I began to realize something. If you want things to improve, you have to go through tough times to gain the improvement. I have since that time, found my health is not so bad after all. I have some pounds to lose and also a weight maintenance program I am in...this goal gives me the opportunity to have the surgery I need to lose all the weight I need to in order to gain a better and healthier lifestyle.
In the same perspective, Gary and I had to decide that we could either live from day to day or week to week...OR we could get ourselves out of debt and be able to have more freedom... to be able to choose if we WANT to stay home or if we would like to go somewhere. Right now, we are on the in between... We are not broke, but then, we can't go galavanting off to anywhere in the world and play around either. We have taken steps to control our spending, pay our bills and get ourselves in a better frame of mind. Today, we tried to qualify for a mortgage today and are within points of qualifying.. I never even dreamed last year I could even think of getting our own home. Now, with a few changes and some clean up work, we could very well be home owners by the middle or sooner of next year.
Making up my mind to change my lifestyle is a challenge for me indeed. It has afforded me and my family and friends the opportunity to get together more, to provide a better perspective on life itself and also to give me a chance to know for myself that I can do what I want to within reason. These choices are only the beginning of a new life for me...My goals are always the same...it's how I approach them that has made them different...
Normal is something I've never been. Of course, that depends on what is normal to you. I have always felt that if life is comfortable and you can live with what you have, why change it? Furthuring this idea is the lack of motivation to make the change and the lack of energy to have the motivation to make the change. I can bring in the depression, anxiety and worry of making a change and other such excuses, but they are just that...excuses...
When I made the conscious effort to improve my health, I started going to the Doctor and was directed in many areas of need for my efforts. It caused some frustration and confusion but I began to realize something. If you want things to improve, you have to go through tough times to gain the improvement. I have since that time, found my health is not so bad after all. I have some pounds to lose and also a weight maintenance program I am in...this goal gives me the opportunity to have the surgery I need to lose all the weight I need to in order to gain a better and healthier lifestyle.
In the same perspective, Gary and I had to decide that we could either live from day to day or week to week...OR we could get ourselves out of debt and be able to have more freedom... to be able to choose if we WANT to stay home or if we would like to go somewhere. Right now, we are on the in between... We are not broke, but then, we can't go galavanting off to anywhere in the world and play around either. We have taken steps to control our spending, pay our bills and get ourselves in a better frame of mind. Today, we tried to qualify for a mortgage today and are within points of qualifying.. I never even dreamed last year I could even think of getting our own home. Now, with a few changes and some clean up work, we could very well be home owners by the middle or sooner of next year.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Is there a thought in there somewhere?
Jumbled minds are like puzzles. You don't know what is coming out until the final product is produced. I have been of jumbled mind for a while now (though I do know people that would say I have it no other way). My husband and I are preparing for something that most people do at a much younger age. We are going to buy a house. We have looked at some conventional homes, spaning from the 1970's through to about last year I would guess. We found neighborhoods here in Fresno that remind me of Leave it to Beaver, the first scene where Mom chases everyone out the door, just before she closes it to do her daily cleaning and such. You walk into such a home and the browns, golds, greens and oranges are there in bright (though slightly faded) repore only to show their age. The beauty is mostly gone from some of these homes, a quiet reminder of all the lives that dwelled over the years.
It makes me curious as to what would a house say? All the things done in privacy here, all the love and family moments shared. The rush of daily living, preparing meals and just plain taking on the endurance of that life. I could tell by looking at some of the homes that life was simple, easy and loving. Others showed things such as anger and disorganization. It was a weird feeling. Some felt cold and disheartening, while others felt warm and comfortable.
Just like people. We are all different and we affect the way things happen in this life. If our house was organized then, people would feel good coming by to visit and share the love there. If we are full of kaos and confusion, people will want to leave as quickly as possible.
Our hearts are like homes also..there is a picture I saw most of my life where Jesus is knocking on the door of a beautiful home. He is wanting to come into our lives. All we need to do is open the door and let him in,...
No matter what style of house you have, make is as wonderful and full of life as you can because you never know who you will entertain...
It makes me curious as to what would a house say? All the things done in privacy here, all the love and family moments shared. The rush of daily living, preparing meals and just plain taking on the endurance of that life. I could tell by looking at some of the homes that life was simple, easy and loving. Others showed things such as anger and disorganization. It was a weird feeling. Some felt cold and disheartening, while others felt warm and comfortable.
Just like people. We are all different and we affect the way things happen in this life. If our house was organized then, people would feel good coming by to visit and share the love there. If we are full of kaos and confusion, people will want to leave as quickly as possible.
Our hearts are like homes also..there is a picture I saw most of my life where Jesus is knocking on the door of a beautiful home. He is wanting to come into our lives. All we need to do is open the door and let him in,...
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Yesterday is finally over
I know it's kind of corny, but yesterday is finally over. I mean, when you read this comment, probably the first thing that comes to mind is DUH...it's today ... Sure it's today...but have you considered all the time we waste dwelling over yesterday, Why did I do that? I sure am upset that so n so said that about me. I can't take the hassle of the memories of that job, arguement or anything that keeps me in yesterday. I have decided that I must change my attitude, or get over the problem. Using prayer and a lot of faith, make yesterday go away...
Take a chance at progression. When all your yesterday issues are on you, there is no reason to go forward. I spent too many years dwelling on why haven't I forgotten about that situation. Sometimes, it is easier to just dwell in the past instead of doing what you can now to improve the future...Make a change. Forget your yesterdays...go through with today so you can be ready for tomorrow...
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
the real me blog...got lost and replaced here
Wednesday, August 03, 2011, 12:17:01 AM
It's been a while
Thursday, September 23, 2010, 4:44:28 PM | noreply@blogger.com (Jan)
A lot of things have happened in the last couple of months but first...I need to apologize for not contributing wisdom of thought here...
I guess I got caught up in Facebook games and artwork. just coloring and scraping tin items...I seemed to have forgotten that these sights were even around. I only hope that the information I have gained since being here last is worthy of use...
I have finally made peace with the situation here at the house...Everything will improve until we decide if we really want to move again...I believe this time (after we complete the lease) we will go...also it seems that I have been more anxious to get about and do things. Being here isn't allowing me to do that...also we might consider a second car because though the truck is operational, it is too small if we want to go somewhere and invite friends or family to go with us...
Heavenly Father is constantly reminding me of my obligations and ways I can improve myself..hygiene and health are becoming my first goals..of course after church, family and friends..family being first of course!! It's not that I am ungrateful for my family (Whiteheads or Greens) I just haven't taken the time to notice what I can do for me.. I only hope that I can learn to even out the situations in my life and do what I need to do to fulfill my goals as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints...I am very happy to provide my testimony if anyone is interested and even just to show how proud I am to be of this sect...LDS rocks...
Is it over yet?
Friday, August 27, 2010, 10:45:27 PM | noreply@blogger.com (Jan)
I mentioned in fb that I finally had my cry last night. I cried for the hurt Suzie will feel in the time to come, the discomfort of having to leave her alone, the frustration of knowing what she has to go through and for being just plain tired and exhausted from the whole situation.
I didn't mention how much I prayed while I cried that she would have a beautiful relationship with her family. I also didn't mention that the hurt I felt is but a small sample of how Jesus Christ must have felt when he had to suffer for our sins. I was so besot with despair that I could only imagine how he felt even the tiniest little bit. I knew that he was there with me last night as I prayed for more strength and understanding.
I know that everything will work out for Suzie and the kids. I know that time heals all wounds and helps us to cope in a level we don't understand at this time. Heavenly Father has given me this knowledge time and again and everytime I get reminded, it's with a better understanding of what is meant.
Even now as I speak of this, I realize with the greatest respect that I would never feel the pain he felt in Gethsemane and I realize also that I love him more for what he did for me and all of us. I want you to know that I know my Father lives and loves me. I know the church is true and that Thomas S. Monson is the living Prophet of this era in time. I know without a doubt that the Atonement made by Jesus Christ is the true reason for this church and the only way we can be with him in eternal life. I also know that Suzie is blessed with an eternal companion who is waiting patiently for her when the time is right. In the meantime, he is busy doing the promises and teachings that Heavenly father has for him...
I didn't mention how much I prayed while I cried that she would have a beautiful relationship with her family. I also didn't mention that the hurt I felt is but a small sample of how Jesus Christ must have felt when he had to suffer for our sins. I was so besot with despair that I could only imagine how he felt even the tiniest little bit. I knew that he was there with me last night as I prayed for more strength and understanding.
I know that everything will work out for Suzie and the kids. I know that time heals all wounds and helps us to cope in a level we don't understand at this time. Heavenly Father has given me this knowledge time and again and everytime I get reminded, it's with a better understanding of what is meant.
Even now as I speak of this, I realize with the greatest respect that I would never feel the pain he felt in Gethsemane and I realize also that I love him more for what he did for me and all of us. I want you to know that I know my Father lives and loves me. I know the church is true and that Thomas S. Monson is the living Prophet of this era in time. I know without a doubt that the Atonement made by Jesus Christ is the true reason for this church and the only way we can be with him in eternal life. I also know that Suzie is blessed with an eternal companion who is waiting patiently for her when the time is right. In the meantime, he is busy doing the promises and teachings that Heavenly father has for him...
Contentions
Thursday, August 19, 2010, 6:48:25 PM | noreply@blogger.com (Jan)
I am amazed at how easy it is to find complaints, and discontent in the world. Just today as I was inquiring on facebook, I found choices...yes, no, not sure etc. Questions that could end up in arguments and regrets for a later time. It has been a very tough few months and with Richard's passing. I've come to realize that this life is very fleeting and that maybe...just maybe..too short for us to dwell on other's problems. I know it is a good thing to help people and to pray for all to be able to maintain a good life...and to overcome their struggles. I am just tired of all the anger and frustration that has shown up on this earth these last few years.
Heavenly Father has full control of my life. I know I must make my own decisions, but I also know that if I do the right course, he is always there to help me. Today, I made a statement which I ammediately regretted. As I turned to look at my sister, it struck me...I was angry at those types of statements only a few years ago. I appologized immediately and cried for my guilt. I realize that I should show more understanding on life's conflicts and solutions.
It is up to us to keep our hearts in the right place. It is up to us to continue to show compassion and love to all our fellow human beings. It is also up to me to remember who I am and to recognize my falacies before I try to point out someone elses.
Just remember always, Jesus loves me...If he can love a struggling depressed person with aches and pains, then that person (aka...me) knows without a doubt. I can love me..and I can share my love and belief with all those around me...
Just do the best you can...and avoid contentious attitudes and conflicts...
Love to all....
The 4th....a day of recollection and visitation
Monday, July 19, 2010, 10:19:20 PM | noreply@blogger.com (Jan)
Hi, I really had a great day today (make it yesterday). I started it with my new committment of reading the scriptures and having a quick breakfast. We kicked around the house abit and then headed to Caruthers CA... I was so excited.. I was going to see a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in about 16 years.
Elva was there with her husband Joe and son, Joseph. We hugged for a couple minutes talking excitedly and went into the house and on through to the back yard. I hugged a few family members and met a crew of people I didn't know. We sat around a shady area of the yard. Arnold's house has huge trees in the yard and a lot of room for people to play and just visit. They had 5 little chihuahuas running around the place. It looked like a lot of quivering barking little snacks for Punkyn. They had three that were the typical chihuahuas and one with fur around the body and a fifth that had curley hair...It was the tiniest... They spent the day walking around the yard, doing vacuuming duties from all the people as we ate good mexican food and drank plenty of soda and water.
We caught up on life as if it had been friday that we saw each other last. There was a tether ball tournament that Joseph won,beating out everyone else who challenged him. Then it got serious, a bad mitton challenge... Janie and her son held the lead for about four sets of players... Her daughter Amanda and her husband finally came in and put them down in two sets. After this, we continued to consume beverages and food stuffs...As the day wound down, we watched some simple family fireworks and around 10:30, we left for home. I had a very good time and was greatful that I could visit my friends and just enjoy a free day celebrating freedom...
I continue to be amazed that so many people offered thanks for the 4th of July. I appreciate what the people who fought the many different wars and challenges that we faced as a nation brought us to this conclusion. We started this nation on the premise of gaining independence and freedom of religion. We also did the trials and tribulations of growing and maintaining the qualities of life we have now attained. God bless you all and may God bless America...
Unintentions
Monday, July 19, 2010, 10:10:01 PM | noreply@blogger.com (Jan)
Sometimes you need to take a bit of bruising in order to work things out. I guess these last two day proved that to me. I got caught up in a trap of my own making. I thought (horribly so) that I was being attacked for something I didn't do. I bit my lip and tried to make since of the conflict. After much (not so much after thinking about it) soul searching and prayer (who waited for an answer??), I wrote a letter to communicate my feelings, thinking that it was the right thing to do. There was some more conflict but after some crying and reasoning things out in my mind, I appologized and explained what I thought happened. At that point, I found out I was right after all. Appologies were made all around and the issue was resolved. I know that if I had been more patient and given my anger up to the Lord, I would have been more attentive to the warnings that I was given. I felt the need for revenge and found out that I will suffer consiquences if I do what I did.
Heavenly Father is here for a reason, to keep us upright and doing the things we promised we would do. As a weak human being, we are here to pay respect to him and to those around us. Once again, I learned that issue. Here's hoping that I remember more of what I learned and continue to do the things I must.
it's in the interpretation...
Monday, July 12, 2010, 5:31:34 PM | noreply@blogger.com (Jan)
ƃuıɥɔʇɐʍǝq ןןıʍ ı ˙snʇɐʇs ɹnoʎ uı sıɥʇ ǝʇsɐd puɐ ʎdoɔ ˙uoıʇuǝʇʇɐ sʎɐd ʎןןɐnʇɔɐʇsıן spuǝıɹɟ ʎɯ uı oɥʍ ǝǝs s,ʇǝl
This statement above is for those who have an excellent recall of the english language... It is awesome to see what type of things people write and how it is interpreted.
Recently, I had a discussion with some friends and family about the bible and our thoughts on different basic concepts of it. As usual, the trinity is one of the challenges that most religions cannot grasp. Then also, there is the idea of who wrote what and how it has been 'changed' so much that it's like a story book.
I understand where they come from. Before I joined the church, I felt that way about the Book of Mormon. Now, when I read it, I am filled with the spirit and I know without a doubt that it's true... Maybe when eyes are opened, and hearts want to receive, the scriptures will find their place in every home and on every tongue...
What do I want in Life?
Sunday, July 04, 2010, 12:15:07 AM | noreply@blogger.com (Jan)
Gosh, I guess this one is of great interest, at least to me.
I want to be able to provide help and assistance to all those that I can. I want to know that I can do useful things and make accomplishments. I want to volunteer my time and energy to the church and to be able to know that what I do is for a great need. I want to help all those who are sick and afflicted with trial and tribulations so that life is wonderful...
Oh, wait...this is serious isn't it?? Well I still want to do all the above, but within the reasonings of my health, and especially the faith I would need to do such a thing. I want to know that I did the best I could and also that I am able to hold my head up and smile at the files that are created in Heaven. I want to be able to live a full eternal life with my husband and family members.
I want to have chocolate when I can afford it and also to be able to enjoy my food stuffs until I take real responsibility for my weight.
I want to hug and kiss my grandsons when ever I feel like it. I want to spoil all of them to the degree that I can keep them from expecting it all the time (with in reason of course). I want EVERYONE to know of how much I am proud of my children, grandchildren, and other relatives for their accomplishments and not to be afraid to show these to all who care to look upon them.
And lastly, I want to be able to provide for all the travels and the blessed trip to Thialand that my husband has been dreaming of for 19 looooong years.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Getting mad and doing something about it..
Today, I am ranting a bit...I am getting tired of how people act like a bunch of greedy opportunists..I get frustrated when people appoint themselves the leaders of the 'common' people with a better than thou attitude. It has been more apparent that a conscience is not necessary, you can blame everyone for your short comings, you are better than every one else, you don't have to work for the government and all those that do, are cheating you of your wages. That's just a few of the things stuck in my craw tonite...I am tired of people not trying to make things work. Sure, some of us have to struggle more than others, sure the sick and disabled get help from the government. I wonder how many of these glorious people would be willing to work everyday for little money, little thanks and very little compassion from the one's we work for. It's hard to accept some of these diatribes from the opportunists...I know also that I would do these all over again in my life. I may be a former government employee, buying goods for the navy, VA hospital and the Bureau of Reclamation...Picking forms for IRS and just plain filing papers and paying bills...It's what we do...It's what we are proud of...
Heavenly Father provided an opportunity for all of us. Some were born with a silver spoon in their mouths...some work for the riches they have and a lot of us just make it from paycheck to paycheck. It's what we choose to do. We have free agency from the time before we came to this earth...I chose to live with a pair of the greatest people in the world. I chose to marry one of the most wonderful men in the world and most of all...I am humbly proud of my religion and the blessings I receive everyday even when life seems too hard to handle...I will never forget how I learned to deal with opposition and the blessings obtained because of it...thanks to Heavenly Father for all I have, do and require in my life....
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Political tyraids and frustrations...
In less than 30 days, a financial disaster could happen. The USA is in debt to the tune of trillions of dollars...Imagine a day when the whole country shuts down because of lack of money? I personally do not think it will happen,. I feel that merely because of the fact that the Congressional pool and the Senate would like to keep their jobs. They threaten to revolt. Personally, I think that ALL INCUMBANTS should be voted out if it doesn't get resolved. I feel that between this fiasco and the various other situations with weather, war and criminal compromise that we are facing the obvious beginnings of the end coming. Understand that I am not predicting the future. I am also not trying to scare people into believing and being afraid to face the next day. Heavenly Father himself has said that "he will come as a thief in the night". The best thing we can do is be prepared to do whatever we are told to do... Follow the prophets and also until the 'guard' changes the rule of the land.
The biggest struggle for me is how programming on TV is even compromised. I have seen a lot of 'children's shows' doing suggestive information and inuendo on them. This week alone, a Bugs Bunny cartoon addressed living together in a song. It was one line, but enough that if a child paid the slightest bit of attention they would have caught it and maybe asked questions. Another issue arised in a new sitcom on the ABC Family channel where the main character was having a liason with another member of the crew. I know of situations where the Disney Channel and other 'innocent' children's shows are compromised with suggestive information. It is now common to have language on Cable and even getting closer to using the same words on the local channels. They are having 'fun' bleeping out words when you can actually tell what the person is saying and implying...It's getting rediculous.
I know these things are suppoesed to happen. People are suppoesed to shrink away from what they believe because the majority is the way...No matter how good or bad the situation. Predjudice is rearing it's ugly head once more...Using race, creed, color and financial status as ways to decide how Americans are suppoesed to live their lives. It's getting harder to make good choices now a days. People need to have strong moral standards and logical thinking. We need to read our scriptures more often, pray more often and also to follow Christ. Soon enough, he will be leading the whole world...
Will you be ready??
The biggest struggle for me is how programming on TV is even compromised. I have seen a lot of 'children's shows' doing suggestive information and inuendo on them. This week alone, a Bugs Bunny cartoon addressed living together in a song. It was one line, but enough that if a child paid the slightest bit of attention they would have caught it and maybe asked questions. Another issue arised in a new sitcom on the ABC Family channel where the main character was having a liason with another member of the crew. I know of situations where the Disney Channel and other 'innocent' children's shows are compromised with suggestive information. It is now common to have language on Cable and even getting closer to using the same words on the local channels. They are having 'fun' bleeping out words when you can actually tell what the person is saying and implying...It's getting rediculous.
I know these things are suppoesed to happen. People are suppoesed to shrink away from what they believe because the majority is the way...No matter how good or bad the situation. Predjudice is rearing it's ugly head once more...Using race, creed, color and financial status as ways to decide how Americans are suppoesed to live their lives. It's getting harder to make good choices now a days. People need to have strong moral standards and logical thinking. We need to read our scriptures more often, pray more often and also to follow Christ. Soon enough, he will be leading the whole world...
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
A Fantastic progress for someone special
Follow this Guest Book June 30, 2011 
I am so sorry...I had been looking for you people for a long...God bless you in your time of grief..she will be missed..she helped me alot when I was around...Loveingly,,,Jan
THIS was my entry for my friend and mentor Rene'e Schneider.. Her influence on me will never be forgotten. I will miss her but she has so much to look forward to. I am forever grateful that she no longer suffers from illness and earthly failings. I hope someday to be able to see her again.
Thus the subject of this blog is not Rene'e but more as to where she is now. I don't envy her to the point of wanting to be there yet, but I hope to attain that goal for myself. In my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; we believe in the eternal life of mankind. Three kingdoms of glory and our progression to that stage in our lives. The glories are represented by the Sun (Celestial), moon (Terestrial) and the stars (Telestial)...these kingdoms represent the goals we met while on the earth. Going thru the temple, getting married in the temple to an eternal mate and following the gospel of Jesus Christ by doing all the things we must to deserve the appropriate level in our lives. It also means that we afford others the opportunity to gain these kingdoms in their lives by sharing the gospel through missionary work and supporting them when they decide what they want to do with their lives. I have talked to people about the church. For me, it is much easier to write/type how I feel... I'm not too confident in my ability to verbally share the gospel with others.
I know with time and more involvement with the church, I will attain the confidence I need to be able to speak my feelings. I hope to convey my feelings or testimony to all I can, through my actions, deeds and words. I am weak in getting myself to go to church on a regular basis, in fact, honesty prevails upon me to share that except on rare occasions, I don't really do much of anything to practice what I know is true. I have to also mention that I don't really do much of anything. I can blame it on my emotional make up and the illness I have and think I could get sympathy for it, but a lot of other people suffers physical and mental frailties and still manage to Put their shoulder to the Wheel and push along. Satan has made it abundantly clear to me that I don't have the strength and fortitude to go on. I have to challenge his message and just get off my backside and do the proper things in my life. Losing weight and gaining good physical health is important, however, the spiritual health is much more important.
Today, I resolve to start anew (I may do this dozens of times before it is accomplished) to read the scriptures and listen to the promptings of the Holy Ghost and share how I feel...Is this a start? You bet it is.... God Bless you Rene'e and take you in his arms for his service in the kingdom of his chosing for you. I have no doubt you will be Celestial...
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Political reality or How to avoid conflict on anything...making a commitment
The title as you may have guessed, is misleading. I don't make arguements on religious or political decisions. I've always felt that people have their opinions on how the United States is run. I'm not afraid to tell you how I feel, just feel it is only important if speaking to someone who really wants to hear my ideals and making hasty conversation is not included. In other words, don't be waiting to make a snappy comeback answer, because I won't be asking the question.
As of late, I have made a commitment...I've decided that I am going to improve my physical self and my spiritual self. I've mentioned this in my last blog but tonight, I wish to give a bit more detail on what my decision involves. I found out that I am going to be having a sleep study for the possibility (more than likely) of me having sleep apnea. Since it has hit everyone else in the family, I would be surprised if I don't have it. My first visit with the specialist is the 14th of July. From there, who knows...probably the overnight sleep test in a strange twin bed and a cold room at a hospital. The result to be told to my insurance company so they can decide if I am ALLOWED to have future treatment for the condition.
Next, I will be going to a Weight Maintenance class that will last 6 months, learning how to eat, exercise and control what I eat and how much, just to mention a bit. If I am successful at the attempt to lose weight and take seriously the lifestyle change, I will again hear an answer through my insurance company as to whether they think I am a worthy candidate to have Gastric By-pass surgery and totally change my attitude and looks. I am going to be skinny for the first time in my entire life. Imagine that!!
Another major decision that will go along with this one is taking my spiritual life more seriously. I can't imagine that I will accomplish the physical, mental and emotional attitude change without using a lot of the spiritual to keep a positive outlook on things. I must trust in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to help me do my best to accomplish this goal. I know it is going to be a struggle and that there may be many frustrating moments... I just hope I don't take my anger and frustration out on anyone or anything. I don't like to diet and to be totally honest I HATE dieting. I don't like having to give up the cookies, and cakes, ice cream and chocolates etc...especially noodle dishes...My weakness, since I got used to eating them as a child to maximize meal consumption for a family of 7 kids on a military budget in the 50's and 60's...
I am going to deal with all these situations one piece at a time...after all, you can't eat an elephant in one bite. Just one day at a time. Slow and steady. fall and get back up...
As of late, I have made a commitment...I've decided that I am going to improve my physical self and my spiritual self. I've mentioned this in my last blog but tonight, I wish to give a bit more detail on what my decision involves. I found out that I am going to be having a sleep study for the possibility (more than likely) of me having sleep apnea. Since it has hit everyone else in the family, I would be surprised if I don't have it. My first visit with the specialist is the 14th of July. From there, who knows...probably the overnight sleep test in a strange twin bed and a cold room at a hospital. The result to be told to my insurance company so they can decide if I am ALLOWED to have future treatment for the condition.
Another major decision that will go along with this one is taking my spiritual life more seriously. I can't imagine that I will accomplish the physical, mental and emotional attitude change without using a lot of the spiritual to keep a positive outlook on things. I must trust in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to help me do my best to accomplish this goal. I know it is going to be a struggle and that there may be many frustrating moments... I just hope I don't take my anger and frustration out on anyone or anything. I don't like to diet and to be totally honest I HATE dieting. I don't like having to give up the cookies, and cakes, ice cream and chocolates etc...especially noodle dishes...My weakness, since I got used to eating them as a child to maximize meal consumption for a family of 7 kids on a military budget in the 50's and 60's...
I am going to deal with all these situations one piece at a time...after all, you can't eat an elephant in one bite. Just one day at a time. Slow and steady. fall and get back up...
Friday, June 17, 2011
Ignorance is not bliss
Now that is a fact, let me explain. I have watched this past year fly by me like a kite in the wind. I have done absolutely nothing to show or share my life with my friends and family. Yes, I did run back and forth to Utah and Colorado and typed my life away on facebook and twitter, but I've done nothing to show what I can improve myself. Sitting every day watching TV and playing the Computer. Well, things are changing...FINALLY EH?? To start with, I went to church last Sunday and really enjoyed the meeting. I was proud of myself, not like pride, but more like I finally quit failing at keeping at least one of my personal goals. I know to some of you it sounds silly, but for me? it is a very good start. The last few years I have spent waaay to much time feeling sorry for number 1...and not enough time doing something about it. I also now am getting things started to lose weight and prepare for Bariatric Surgery...or Gastric Bypass...I have a six month weight maintenance program to do and then I will finally get the surgery. It is a scarey but exciting project for me. I've always been chubby or just plain fat. My input was and still is greater than my output. I love food especially the starches and sweets...the more the better. Courage is a big word and fortitude is a new word for me. I've been content (to a frustrating since) to just let things be...NO MORE!!!
I have always wanted to be smaller than I am but, I haven't had the fortitude to do something about it. At one point, I couldn't because of the finances, now with Health insurance and Medicare, I can finally take care of me... The first dr's visit was taking care of some skin tags (may be cancerous, though none have been so far) and a couple of minor skin lesions. I also found out that I am a possible candidate for Diabetes if I don't back down on the goodies and starches. I am also twice my perfect weight and dealing with High Cholesterol and a fast beating/irregular heart beat. With the anxiety and depression and Fibromyalgia, I figure something I can take care of should be. Thus, if I lose weight and have the surgery, the diabetes and cholesterol problems should go away...then, on the the rest of the issues to keep me in line with what I have to daily contend with.
Once the medical issues are under control, I will deal with more of the other issues, one at a time. Concurrently, I will be going to church and trying to prepare myself for my spiritual well being. If the physical and spiritual self is in hand, the rest will follow suit...I am so grateful that I can finally do something I've wanted to do for a long time. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father and all he does for me...
The one thing that is going along the back of my mind is how should I deal with the structure of life I want to lead. Because of the health issues, I've all but ignored until recently the real world situation around me. I guess if I didn't see it, it wasn't happening. I am truly frustrated with the way things are going,. Opinions are immediately turned around and taken so literally that people are actually angry rather than dealing out constructive information. I guess if I feel something about the issue at hand, I will learn more about it and try to see both sides. I do know that I have to wait again to deal with these issues, wait until it's time for me to work it out...because First, it's health and spiritual and then the rest will fall in line....Gotta love it y'all...
I have always wanted to be smaller than I am but, I haven't had the fortitude to do something about it. At one point, I couldn't because of the finances, now with Health insurance and Medicare, I can finally take care of me... The first dr's visit was taking care of some skin tags (may be cancerous, though none have been so far) and a couple of minor skin lesions. I also found out that I am a possible candidate for Diabetes if I don't back down on the goodies and starches. I am also twice my perfect weight and dealing with High Cholesterol and a fast beating/irregular heart beat. With the anxiety and depression and Fibromyalgia, I figure something I can take care of should be. Thus, if I lose weight and have the surgery, the diabetes and cholesterol problems should go away...then, on the the rest of the issues to keep me in line with what I have to daily contend with.
Once the medical issues are under control, I will deal with more of the other issues, one at a time. Concurrently, I will be going to church and trying to prepare myself for my spiritual well being. If the physical and spiritual self is in hand, the rest will follow suit...I am so grateful that I can finally do something I've wanted to do for a long time. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father and all he does for me...
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Hey Y'all
I thought I would check in..I am getting anxious about the month of May...A lot of things are happening, besides my birthday, I am getting checked over for my basil cell carcinoma. It is skin cancer and thankfully it grows slowly. I am also having the Dr check my thyroid, blood pressure, cholesteral, possibility for Diabetes and anything else that is possible to happen... When all that is figured out, I will be preparing for Bariatric surgery... I just want to get healthier... I've been working on losing weight but not sure if I have lost any yet... I just feel that it's time for me to do something...I have never been 'skinny' in my life. It should prove it a worthy goal...Before and after pictures will be posted...
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Crazy stuff for the mind.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
A New Start.. A New place
Well, we found ourselves a new place across town from Mel and Tristan. It was a good start to be with them but we finally felt that it was time for us to go on our own. Let the kids learn how to deal better than they have. Melanie has some wonderful goals for her and Tristan. Sometimes it takes a dramatic change for us to realize that we should let go and allow our children to go on their own. I know after a number of years, helping the girls and the grandson's out, Poppa and Gramma can be comfortable with their own situation at hand. I love my kids and I am grateful that they allow us to be in their lives. It is a wonderful thing to have grandchildren and to get to spoil them...
Heavenly Father made a plan for us to raise a family and bring about the opportunity to fulfill our promise to bring people into his church. I love my family and only wish the best for all of them. God bless you and yours also and try to keep the purpose of our lives here on this misguided earth.
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