Life is good

I am ever so grateful for my blessings. Finding solutions to problems and getting organized is really helping me emotionally. I have a recurring feeling in the back of my mind and can't figure it out. Maybe it's the dropping shoe effect, I don't really know.
Shouldn't I be happy? Why do feel like this? Is it a lack of faith or a tad bit of depression trying to cast me into the depths of darkness... I know Heavenly Father loves me. I wonder why aches and pains do this to me... Tomorrow I go for physical therapy and I hope it works. I hate feeling like this cuz it sux big time.
Sometimes, pitfalls come right after the high, like eating chocolate and then getting really tired. We need to realize or wake up and find a solution for anxiety and depression. It is real enough I promise you. Medication does help and so does getting outside, but with this shoulder pain, it's near impossible to tolerate the pain. Please oh please understand the realness of this. Jan, You need to learn to accept things you can't change.
Maybe it's the guilt I feel for not contacting my oldest grandson sooner. Could I have trusted more fully the promptings I was getting last year? Or was I ready to communicate with him. Was he ready to talk to me? Probably not... I know the time was right now, not then. I guess you could say different but I feel I have finally opened the door.
So, maybe my darkness will soon subside... Maybe....

Ricky...I am so glad

you called. I have been praying for years to get in touch with you. I asked Heavenly Father to let me know when I could be with you again and he has provided a way. Yes, I am guilty of not trying harder, and that has been to model of my life these last few years...not trying hard enough. It hurts to know how much you suffered for all these years, not knowing if we loved you and not hearing from anyone on the Whitehead side of the family. I wish I could take it all back. I know I can't but I also know that with some years of concerted effort on both sides, we can change the future. NO more ignoring or wishing I could get in touch, no more listening to false information as to what is happening in your life. We can start the communication process NOW...it doesn't have to drag out anymore. Just understand that we were led the wrong way...Listening to false hopes and not getting the proper answers. I hear you are still into the computer...Tell me how you feel this way if you like...write your feelings...express those anger thoughts and get them out of you. Rely on the love of Heavenly Father (God) and he will always provide you with the right answer. Aric, show me the way to your heart. Let me enter in and I will give you comfort...God will be the comfort for you...through the Holy Ghost. He will provide you the understanding you require to know how it was for all of us.
I do understand how you feel. I know what it is like to lose friends and family members. I can only hope and pray that you will see that it was as hard for us as it was for you. I know you blame all of us for the lack of communication and I know that I am guilty of this. I also know that I have known very little about you. I got pictures on occasion when you lived in Florida and also when you came to Fresno to visit. I miss you my grandson...I miss you more than you know...I hope you will believe me sometime...it is up to you.
I have been provided a blessing in the contact you started. You are just the one I need to know better. Grandpa and I love you as I said in the email. I am writing this to show all those who know me how blessed and lucky I am to get you back into my life. Papa Gary is greatful that we can be a family again and Tristan is really excited to hear from his big brother. I hope that you and Melanie will some day get things settled...that will be the hardest for you and for her. Compassion is what must be used. I know you have a good heart Ricky...I know how much and how close you are with your Dad and Heather (mom). I am grateful how they spent the time and trials necessary to make you feel a part of the family. You are a member of both families and we need to intertwine them. I want you to know that I feel really awful for all those years of loneliness you had as Gary and I have felt it too...We talk about you alot especially around our Anniversary and around your birthday and Christmas. I guess we should do more than talk about you now...we can call you and keep in touch with you. Please help us to be what you want us to be...Your grandparents.  I know I love you and I know that Grandpa loves you as well. Whiteheads' are a strange bunch...it's hard to get them to talk. I want you to know that Tristan is just as talkative as you are. He gets excited about his X-box games and his grades...He has had a hard time also...dealing without you here..He really does miss you Ricky.. So, keep in touch with him as much as you can...are you a member of X-box gamers? He would love to have you join him...he is known as Tdog360...

I write these things in here to show everyone how I feel about my situation...This was one of the many things that I didn't have a solution to. I failed to keep up my motivation in keeping in touch with Ricky. I didn't try hard enough and was willing to let the situation stay as it was. I have had many miracles happen in my life and this one has to be among the best of the best. I wish I could convey how it humbles me to know that Heather and Ricky took a chance to get in touch with us. I feel a numbness right now...I'm not sure how I should feel....I am grateful for the opportunity to help Aric/Ricky gain my trust and I pray that we will be able to keep things open...I know that Heavenly Father helps us in strange ways. I know also that he loves me and keeps me safe. He will allow me to understand more fully what I need to do next. Promises must be kept this time...Goals must be met. A single life hangs in the balance. A young man needs to know how he is loved and how we want him in our lives...We can change wrong into right...I need help...and I know I cannot do this alone..God bless you Ricky..we are here for you now...

Nice play..

I get a real kick out of reading the posts I receive on Facebook. Some are really funny, some are silly or stupid, and some make me think.
What seems amazing as I read through these posts is how alike they are to my life. It seems that we all kinda face the same problems. I've noticed lately that a few of the posts are dwelling on self improvement. The ones that crossed my mind are about our relationship with God.
I get to see how people react to what challenges they face dealing with church activity, honesty, and trust just to name a few. Some dwell on the problem, making note of the struggle and talking about how they need to find the solution. Others talk about the problem and the solution without a commitment of when they wish to complete the problem. Still others are finding that the solution is in them when they testify what they believe to others and begin to realize they are actually solving the problem.
Most of us fit in to one of these categories. Some times in our lives we go through each situation and we do so more than once. It is refreshing to see how faith helps each of us in our own way. For me, my relationship with God is mostly secure. I know that I need to do more to please him and he continues to encourage me to do my best.
God equals out all our situations so that we can deal with them in our own way. We are the ones who must decide how we want to approach them.

Today is

Typical answer would be "the first day of the rest of your life". That can be so crass or typical. Boring and automatic statements or answers do not describe how a person really feels. It is just expected. I supposed it would be ok for history or math answers, but I tend to feel that personal feeling answers should be your own.
I guess it is ingrained in us to use these automatic answers, but some time down the road, you think; "why do I feel that way?" or "what does that really mean"? Knowing for sure how we feel or what we believe is cause for research or in the case of religious learning, prayer to find the answers for ourselves.
I know that sometimes I tend to question in my mind just how I know facts or information comes about. I also know that it takes some thought, research and prayer to help me know the truth. I have been provided a wonderful husband and family of which I could never trade or wish for something better. I know without a doubt that all things studied or prayed about have answers for us. Heavenly father has provided me with the Holy Ghost, that still small voice which prompts me to make wise choices. Because of these choices, I want you all to know that my belief or knowledge of aspects of my LDS or Mormon beliefs are broadened to a point where I could never deny anymore how I feel. I get a warm comfortable feeling in my heart and I know...I KNOW how my Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to be with him eternally.
This is my knowledge and my prayer that those of you who read this find for yourselves the truth.. The knowledge that you take with you will grow beyond measure when it is your time. I know this without a doubt, it's up to you to make your choices.