The Latest News...

has a mix of positive and negative reactions. I was thinking (which is NEW for me anyways) of how I was going to present the information. The news came on the same day, the same visit with a doctor. I am beginning to think that all my outside activity brings me to a doctor's office. What a way to go....

First we go with the good news... I have lost another 3 pounds. It seems strange that I finally am able to lose. I do know that it is my fault that I couldn't in the first place. I am accomplishing a goal, fulfilling a dream and making my life better. I also am reading my scriptures more...that's good news because it gives me an edge on my daily mood. The more I communicate with the religious side of me, the better it is to make the decisions I need to make that are so serious in my life. I am eating less...it is getting easier to push away the food and go on. Just a wonderful thought has occured, I have heard that it takes 21 days (3 weeks) to make or break a habit. It is well into week 5 since I had a soda. I still think of having them, but I maintain that I feel better without the temptation in my life...

Now for the not so good news...My tests (thought I only had 1 left), has advanced to two tests...Dang it, I thought I was almost done. I guess that will be ok. I went to my Cardiologist this week and had my yearly exam. It pretty much came out the same as last year. I didn't have to do the stress test but when the doctor came into the room, he presented me with a quick and decisive question. "It appears that your ECG is looking strange. It did last year also but I felt at the time that you would be ok after we did the stress test".  Ok? I said to him and myself mostly...the thought occured to me that things were not going to happen as far as my Bariatric Surgery was concerned. He saw the obvious look of frustration on my face and said "Don't worry about your future, I just want to do an Angiogram on your heart. I then feel that you will do great for the Bariatric Surgery afterwards." I smiled some and said that it would be alright. He didn't want me to have to deal with the 90 to 10 prospect of death should I have a heart attack. I continued the somewhat stoney smile and walked out the door, received the appointment information and walked out to the car.

I really wasn't so upset at the prospect of another surgery, which I now feel is strange, but I do feel frustrated with the idea of having to wait another week or two for my B. Surgery. I know that I am blessed with good doctors and I know that Heavenly Father is making sure that all steps are taken for the success of my future. I am blessed with a good family and life. I am thankful for all I have, especially my family, friends and accomplishments I have made...GOOD FOR ME!!!

Why am I doing all this??

I have probably driven this point into the ground, but I feel it's worth repeating. Why am I doing all this?
The Psuchologist asked me this yesterday. She asked my weight, height and all the vital statistics, also the medications I take. What is your main reason for wanting this surgery. In retrospect, it seemed like I had a simple answer, which she made more complicated. I know why..it's what psychologist's do...I am ok with that too. I tried to tell her that it was to make me feel better about myself. "What do you mean?" she asked. I looked at her for a moment and smiled, which made her smile. I guess I have been heavy all my life. I've never been skinny or even close to skinny...Chubby Jan since I was 6...she asked me why was I always chubby. I told her that I have spent my life trying to understand that one. I think it is because food was my escape..(you've heard this before? I am SHOCKED!!)..When I was happy, I ate, Sad? I ate, Angry? I ate...etc...you know the rest. I have lost more than 3 times my weight over the years. I struggle now but with perseverance and pride. The right kind of pride. I am not going to let this go to my head.

Like the picture above, I am going to fight for this cause... It's my future. I went on to answer more questions about my weight, height and why again. I think the main question that kind of blew me away was: "Have you ever had the urge to kill your husband?" I smiled at her with a incredulous look on my face. No way was I ever going to kill the man I love with all my heart. When she heard that, she smiled again. Next question was if I ever thought of suicide. I told her that it was a greedy person who gave up on life and killed themselves. They are denying themselves of all the opportunities of friends and family and every day life. It doesn't hurt them so to speak because they have made up their minds and are doing what they feel is their only course. BUT... all the people who knew/know them will be hurt beyond measure...What could I have done to stop this situation. Why didn't I see the signs? Lots of things come to mind...I also told her that I was ABSOLUTELY SURE that I wanted this surgery. She started to write a lot of notes in her note book and I just sat there...Thinking of whether I passed the 'test' or not.

This is my motto, but I do know that physical and spiritual improvement is a must. I will do what I must to be the type of person that is a good example for others to follow. W.W.J.D.  is a much used phrase that was on  wrist bands, key holders and many other types of items to remind us of what to do... I look at a more simple symbol used by my church...CTR...Choose The Right.... It's a song that small children everywhere know by heart by the time they are 5. It is a good thing too...

Choose the right, when the choice is placed before you.
Choose the right, the holy spirit guides
In the right, the choice is placed before you
Let God and Heaven be your guide..

Choose the right, choose the right,
let wisdom mark the place before
In it's light, choose the right
and God will bless you ever more...

Just try to remember that everything we do, is for a reason. We choose to make our day to day lives a misery or a wonderful day...It is up to you...That is why I am doing all this...Jan

As I sit

see above... here I notice a lot of things that I like. Music, pictures and other interests seem to be there for the taking. Of course, if the technological advances were not available, I'd have to go OUTSIDE and brave the blustery day we are having. It's raining...something we have needed for so long. Here in California it has been a long fall/winter/spring....mostly spring type of year. I think I remember about 2 or 3 weeks of winter, though I'm not sure.

I also have noticed the awareness of my senses for the news and interests of other people. I tend to interject thought into some of the things they talk about. Sometimes, I get ignored and on other occassions, I get attention to the point of interaction. Either way, it gives me an opportunity to share my thoughts and feelings. Last night as I read the scriptures here on Facebook, I was humbled to realize the faith of the Nephites back at the time of the Book of Mormon. The Gadianton robbers were trying to overtake the Nephites and were repelled back time and time again. The Nephites had been advised to store up their goods and necessities to prepare for attacks from the robbers. They complied and also went to their knees and prayed. At the greatest moment of the ongoing attacks from the robbers, the Nephites took up their arms and surrounded the enemy from the front and the rear. Those who would not surrender were killed and they lost their leader. Some of the enemy found softness in their hearts and joined the Nephites. Those who didn't, continued to be inprisoned and left alone. They had many years of peace. They followed their Heavenly Father and their leaders. Mormon was the man that told this story and had many more battles and wars to the end of his days.
Mormon Channel

Did you know that 170 years ago today, Joseph Smith organized the Relief Society?

Celebrating 170 Years of Relief Society | Mormon Channel

mormonchannel.org

Relief Society sisters throughout the world are invited to celebrate by participating in activities that will engage them in the work of Relief Society.

He made his choice and was able to provide the necessary skils to do the work that God asked him to do. I know in my life, when I am doing the goals and promises I made with Heavenly Father, that I can do most anything I challenge myself to do. I have noted of late that the struggles seem less heavy and the blessings more strong for me. I am truly grateful for how much trust and faith Heavenly Father has in me and given me to fulfill the promises I've made. To know that I am able to lose the necessary weight, and provide myself some spiritual respite is an amazing thing to me... God provides for those who help themselves.

I want all those who are struggling to know that I am praying for your family, child or friend that has passed, been injured or having ailments at this time. To be in touch with so many people provides me an opportunity to share how I feel and what I am trying to do in this life...Heavenly Father is the reason I do this, he and my family...The church is a good thing for me to share with my friends, family and acquaintances...

Relief for better days ahead

What a difference between today and yesterday. I was able to turn in some test results that we have waited over two months for. She was glad that I had lost 5.5 pounds too...boy, I feel better now that some of these things that worry me are off my chest.

Today, I wish to convey some positive hope for those trying to lose weight. My nephew has made it look easy for within the last year he has lost over 100 pounds *He will correct me if I am wrong*. Yet, I sit and struggle to lose a pound a week if I am lucky. I guess it's a good thing though. I just want you to know that perseverence and stubborness is on both our sides, be it harder or easier. We are just two examples of how a person can accomplish something. Dave has the persistance to begin and go on with anything he decides to do. He doesn't mess around with should I or should I not? He just goes with the flow and does things his own way. He maintains control of his ideas and continues to complete the things he wants to do. Yet, I tend to be one that can't decide for sure if I want to do something new. Whether it be losing weight or getting my religious motivation going. I guess it is a good thing. I got to say that when I finally do make up my mind, I go for it with everything I have. Though I trip up some, I get back up and go on.

My dietician asked me today if I would share this blog with her group. I gave her the address and told her to share it with everyone she knows. I just want to let you understand that my goals are not just the weight loss, but also my religious, personal, and emotional health as well. I want to be able to show a personal view of how I am able to do the things I do. It won't always be positive, but I will surely try to keep negativity out as much as possible. I am human or I wouldn't be here on earth...so, the progress will continue.

Today, I am grateful for the friends and family that have supported me in my attempt to lose weight and the other goals I have done. I also want to thank Heavenly Father and his son for their support and the support of the Holy Ghost. I also want you to know that I am grateful for what I have in this life and my main goal is to make me a better person so I can help others more and feel worthy and wise enough to do so. When I do things for others, whether it be sharing pictures of interest or just a motivational statement, I feel good. I feel like I can do something. I've had/still have a depressing feeling about myself because of the mix of emotions and actions in my early years, but I have worked most of my adult life to change that and make something more of myself. So, keep reading and doing your best to lose the weight you need to...It may take a lot of time, but it is a worthwhile goal and something you can continue to do for the rest of your life...after all, life is what we make it...I want mine to be lasting and comfortable...Jan

Tough Days are the best!

Yeah, I know it sounds kind of strange, saying tough days are the best. They are in a sense of learning and going on. I have been on this diet maintenance situation for over 6 months now. It is not an easy thing for a gal that likes her cookies and pastas. I can go without the meat really easy, but put noodles in front of me and here I go, porking it all down. I say this because I have had a challenging last few weeks. I haven't up to this time, been sincerely trying to lose the weight. I've been breezing through the meetings and just taking it really easy. The last month or so, things finally got to me and I became serious.

Now, that I am getting it so to speak, it gets harder to accomplish my goal. I was challenged two weeks ago to try to lose 10 pounds by my next visit which is tomorrow. I have only lost 5 and a half pounds. I feel basically like a failure. It frustrated me this morning while I was getting ready for another doctor appointment to discover that I was "Too Big" for a table they had for a bone density test. I almost cried on the spot. It really hurt to realize that I had failed to lose the weight. Then, I realized that it was my fault. Up until the last couple of days, I was doing really well, thinking I had everything in the bag, I kind of cheated some. I pay for that by not accomplishing the goal the Dietitian set for me.

I soon realized that I did accomplish one BIG goal that I have tried to deal with for the full 6 month period. I was finally able to stop drinking the diet sodas and eating the goodies that I had been doing all the time. I was finally able to stop eating the meats and sandwiches that added the pounds on... I have finally been doing the walking that is required to be more firmly capable. I needed this because I don't really want to be flabby after I lose the weight that I need and want to lose.  I finally feel like I am able to walk more and get around much better. I am able to feel better as I write this because I feel like I was able to accomplish something in spite of not losing the weight I was challenged to do. I hope that I can continue to deal with my situation more so.  It finally feels good to realize that I did do something I should. I just have to continue to try harder and do my best, after all, I will be having the surgery in a couple of months. It is a blast!!

So, in short, I am doing what I can to lose the weight that I have been challenged to do. I finally feel great and appreciative of the challenges I have had. Thanks to God for all I am able to do. Now, I can be the best I can be. I only hope that this will continue to improve my personal feelings about myself. On to the next level...