Why am I doing all this??

I have probably driven this point into the ground, but I feel it's worth repeating. Why am I doing all this?
The Psuchologist asked me this yesterday. She asked my weight, height and all the vital statistics, also the medications I take. What is your main reason for wanting this surgery. In retrospect, it seemed like I had a simple answer, which she made more complicated. I know why..it's what psychologist's do...I am ok with that too. I tried to tell her that it was to make me feel better about myself. "What do you mean?" she asked. I looked at her for a moment and smiled, which made her smile. I guess I have been heavy all my life. I've never been skinny or even close to skinny...Chubby Jan since I was 6...she asked me why was I always chubby. I told her that I have spent my life trying to understand that one. I think it is because food was my escape..(you've heard this before? I am SHOCKED!!)..When I was happy, I ate, Sad? I ate, Angry? I ate...etc...you know the rest. I have lost more than 3 times my weight over the years. I struggle now but with perseverance and pride. The right kind of pride. I am not going to let this go to my head.

Like the picture above, I am going to fight for this cause... It's my future. I went on to answer more questions about my weight, height and why again. I think the main question that kind of blew me away was: "Have you ever had the urge to kill your husband?" I smiled at her with a incredulous look on my face. No way was I ever going to kill the man I love with all my heart. When she heard that, she smiled again. Next question was if I ever thought of suicide. I told her that it was a greedy person who gave up on life and killed themselves. They are denying themselves of all the opportunities of friends and family and every day life. It doesn't hurt them so to speak because they have made up their minds and are doing what they feel is their only course. BUT... all the people who knew/know them will be hurt beyond measure...What could I have done to stop this situation. Why didn't I see the signs? Lots of things come to mind...I also told her that I was ABSOLUTELY SURE that I wanted this surgery. She started to write a lot of notes in her note book and I just sat there...Thinking of whether I passed the 'test' or not.

This is my motto, but I do know that physical and spiritual improvement is a must. I will do what I must to be the type of person that is a good example for others to follow. W.W.J.D.  is a much used phrase that was on  wrist bands, key holders and many other types of items to remind us of what to do... I look at a more simple symbol used by my church...CTR...Choose The Right.... It's a song that small children everywhere know by heart by the time they are 5. It is a good thing too...

Choose the right, when the choice is placed before you.
Choose the right, the holy spirit guides
In the right, the choice is placed before you
Let God and Heaven be your guide..

Choose the right, choose the right,
let wisdom mark the place before
In it's light, choose the right
and God will bless you ever more...

Just try to remember that everything we do, is for a reason. We choose to make our day to day lives a misery or a wonderful day...It is up to you...That is why I am doing all this...Jan