This must be my rant and rave place...

DAMN IT! It's been a see saw day today. I don't  wanna write puppy stuff, literary genius stuff or soft mood stuff. So, I turn to the wrong decision site to share my frustration. Ive been upset since I first saw my Father in law last week. No one so wonderful deserves to suffer like he did. I still feel he's in a better place and that it has been a beautiful last few days; but right now, this very moment? Life fricken sucks. Yeah, I know I shouldn't be so wildly emotional. He's better off. We will see him again, he's with mom, etc etcetera etcetera...yada yada... Can you say pissed off! Yeah, that's me right now. Add my other issues of health, finances and the rest and you've got one mean moody lady that NO ONE wants to be around. Ok, I still read my scriptures every night and with lots of prayer, I'll get through this. I know that... I wish I didn't feel guilty about being to angry. It's part of reality I guess. I've been venting to anyone who will listen but I'd better cool that or they won't want to be around anymore. I hate this...I hate this...I HATE THIS!!! 

Ok, ok, I got that out... Feeling sorry for poor little Janet is over. I've got to get my head on straight if I can expect things to improve. Besides, I've got positive news too...and it's just in proportion to how I get myself together as to how things will end up. Heavenly Father has blessed me so much. I'm not denying that. I know he's there for me and that's why I feel so bad about how I'm feeling right now. My dog just crawled up next to her crying momma and laid down next to me on the chair as I type. I'm not doing this to have everyone feel sorry for me. I just need to get things out! I am ever so grateful for the love of my family, friends, and especially Heavenly Father... I'm grateful for the possible good news of a place for me and pop...just us after so many years. It will also get rid of some of the resentment and bitterness I've felt over the years. I can now realize how much that has ruined my health and my life. It's very true how much it hurts the angry compared to the person or persons it's directed to. I probably shouldn't put this down but it's time for me to grow up and put my big girl panties on... Too many things affected my feelings these last few years, jobs, people, situations, decisions, health, and it goes on. 

Maybe this blog has been a good thing because I've been able to share over time how I feel. Sometimes, it just doesn't fit right with the other blog sites I have so, this poor thing gets all my random rants and raves. Perhaps, over time, this blog will close, but until then....watch out! The moody obnoxious crazy woman is still alive and well...

Love you all, no matter what my mood is...like the Duke said... Saddle up anyway...

I thought I saw a

Former member of the family. I hope not to upset people about this. I supposed I could just be a dream from the past but, here goes the story. About a month ago, I had a dream that my sister's husband was still around. Rick and Suzie's love story knows no bounds. It's a true love at first sight story. They met inadvertently at the bowling alley in NAS Lemoore waaaaaay back when we were all young adults. We had gotten together as a group and Rick showed up. He had previously planned to go to a movie but changed his mind. He came into the alley not knowing there was a church activity. He was planning on bowling alone like he had done many times in the past. I'm not sure of any of the details as all I know, he ended up sitting next to Suzie and they talked, and they talked and they talked. Oh, and they bowled too! Anyways, they convinced us to let him bring her home. She was in Heaven from that day forward. As most of us know, they now have three kids and 7 grandchildren. 

My first dream involves the kids when they were much younger. Probably from looking at pictures of them recently at the younger ages. I was visiting them and it was in base housing. Not sure but it looked like China Lake. It was a very brief dream but the whole family was there. The second dream ( last night's dream) was at one of our churches cultural halls. It was a single adult activity that became a  family activity. I guess I was there for a reason but not sure why. When I first saw him, he was young and arnery. He was wearing some type of warrior costume with sprockets as breast plates and a strange looking het. He had no weapons, but he looked as if he could battle. As few seconds later when I saw him, he was older. Probably in his thirties or forties. He was chatting it up with some people in the group. All this time he watched as Suzie was sitting with a good friend and having fun. Later I had gone up to Suzie and asked her if we were the only ones that saw him as Rick. For I felt if the others had they would have been upset and confused. She mentioned that she wasn't allowed to say anything. He looked over from across the room like he could gear us and told her not to say anything. The other people could not hear this conversation but I heard him as if he was next to us. Later again, I saw him in his gray suit and cowboy hat. He came and sat by me and I woke up.

The reason I mention this is that my reaction was why does SHE get to have him around when my first husband John couldn't be there? As the dream progressed, I learned that she needed his help. He was there to make sure she was able to meet the right person for her future. Perhaps this is something I hope will happen. Perhaps he will help her find a new mate for here on earth.

I know that God gives us these puzzles for a reason and I know I have worried for quite awhile for Suzie to find a nice man to settle down with. Of course, when she is ready. I also know that Heavenly Father gives us thoughts for a reason. Since this one is still fairly vivid in my mind, I know I needed to share it.  Let us know and understand the meaning of all things through prayer and supplication.  Read your scriptures and talk with God. Ask questions and when the time is right, the answers will come.